


Into the starry night

by Yeokseokbam



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Stargazing, canonverse, mention of other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeokseokbam/pseuds/Yeokseokbam
Summary: a candle in hand, armin had decided he couldnt sleep, and left a snoring eren and connie in their bunks. the fact that jean hadn't returned after cleaning up the mess hall hadn't gone unnoticed by him. perhaps eren and connie were too tired to even realise one of their comrades wasnt in the room yet.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	Into the starry night

**Author's Note:**

> here's a short one shot of my favorite ship from aot/snk. title is taken from the lyrics of the third op (red swan), my favorite op from the series thus far!

he walked the dimly lit halls of the barracks alone, basking in the rare moment of solitude. most of the regiment were in bed by now, or at least in their bunks, bellies full of meat. armin couldnt say the same. 

a candle in hand, armin had decided he couldnt sleep, and left a snoring eren and connie in their bunks. the fact that jean hadn't returned after cleaning up the mess hall hadn't gone unnoticed by him. perhaps eren and connie were too tired to even realise one of their comrades wasnt in the room yet. 

out of the entire squad of the 104th class of cadets, jean was the last person armin couldve thought of befriending. for starters, he had a strong disdain towards eren, and he had no intention of hiding it. 

at first it had worried armin, since eren was his best friend and probably one of the most important people in his life. but the more often they bickered, picked fights, caused a ruckus in the barracks, the more comical it became.

sasha and connie werent much help either, constantly egging the two on in hopes of witnessing another embarrassing sparring match between the two hotheaded men. 

then there was the fact that jean had been one of those soldiers who seemed complacent with living ignorant and blissful inside the walls. not that he judged him for it, but that wasnt armin's thing. he'd never been content with being confined, his desire to discover and explore all too overwhelming for jean's ideals. 

but jean had quickly shaped into a much more mature young man, their short time spent in the scout regiment was a very clear omen to that. he became someone that armin had grown fond of. 

perhaps too fond, armin thought. 

the sound of his boots padding against the floor echoed louder as he approached the entrance to the mess hall. a faint glow of light shone from within and armin's lips tugged upward into a soft smile. 

peering in, he could make out jean's poorly illuminated figure, seated on one of the large, brick window sills. he had one knee propped up, a mug in hand, and his elbow resting atop his knee. 

he had what armin would call his thinking face on, eyebrows drawn inwards, eyes staring into the distant night. armin crossed the room, and jean turned his head towards him. 

his face softened in realization, and he called out softly, "couldnt sleep?" 

armin shook his head, placing his candle on a nearby table beside jean's longstanding lamp, before positioning himself on the opposite side of the sill. he was small enough that they could fit comfortably, feet scarcely touching. 

jean turned his head back toward the window. "i keep thinking. tomorrow, theres a likely chance that we might all die." theres no fear in his voice, only raw contemplation. 

it's one thing hes always admired about jean. his calm, collected approach towards things. 

armin followed his gaze upward and realised he was watching the stars. the speckled light almost danced along the midnight blue backdrop, throbbing with a gentle brightness. "my grandfather once told me that when we die, a star appears in the sky for us."

jean chuckled, swirling whatever drink he had in his half full mug. "im pretty sure my mother told me the same thing when i was younger too." 

"you really think we'll die tomorrow?" 

jean shrugged, "who knows. we've made it this far, but theres no telling." he drawed a long breath and silence fell upon them for a long minute. 

armin pulled his ragged cardigan tight around his shoulders, tucking his knees into his chest. there were so many things he wanted to tell jean, had been wanting to tell him for a while now. but he'd never been certain of himself. could never be certain because of their harsh reality. 

"if you were to die tomorrow," armin whispers, voice tentative and careful. "would you have any regrets?" he watched jean closely, resting his chin on his forearms.

without hesitation, jean replied, "of course. so many." 

"me too," armin agreed, closing his eyes. he could list them off one by one, probably make a book out of them. it was comforting to know he wasnt alone in that. 

"but im not ready to die yet," jean said firmly, and finally turned to look at the other. those deep brown eyes, so different to eren's piercing green, yet just as intense. maybe not in the same way, but jean had a way of drawing people in and armin, for the life of him, could never look away. not in this moment. 

even in this lighting, armin found jean's gaze...endearing.

these moments were rare and few, alone time with jean, and armin planned to savor each one as if it were his last. because one of these days might very well be his last. 

armin gave jean a soft smile and a slight nod. "me neither."

"what do you think of," jean asked, "when you're risking your life out there?"

armin craned his head instinctively, thinking for a second. what did he think of? for some reason, his mind was blank. he tried to picture it, flying through the air, the pungent smell of blood and gas nipping at his nose, wind flying through his hair. in the midst of battle, armin only had one objective in mind and that was--

"protecting eren," he blurted out.

jean flinched, whipping his head back towards the window. his expression grew hard and armin couldnt decipher his own thoughts, let alone jean's reaction to his honest answer. 

with a somewhat bitter undertone, jean responded, "i guess that's always been the objective, huh." 

"jean--" 

"do you and mikasa ever wonder what purpose you would have if eren werent around?" jean almost spat and armin's eyes widened with shock. 

"i--"

"never mind, dont answer that. forget i said anything." 

armin sat up, turning away watching as his own candlelight mimicked the burning flame encased within jean's larger lamp. jean had sounded almost hurt...could it perhaps be...no. armin pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. he would never entertain any possibility of mutual attraction. 

jean was leagues ahead of him in both physical strength, and capability. he was robust, tall in stature and was able to set his emotions aside when necessary. he was popular among the newer cadets as well, never shying away from the women either. very much unlike armin, who had a hard time communicating with anyone he didnt know well. 

the air around them suddenly felt stale and armin hugged his arms tight around him. 

hesitantly, armin spoke, breaking the silence. "jean, do you remember that day we were kidnapped?" 

the other nods, humming in affirmation. 

"that day...when you were about to die," armin pauses taking a breath. in truth, he and jean had never discussed the events of that day. somewhere along the line, both had silently agreed not to bring it up to each other. but armin needed to, had to, because after that day...he realised just how much he needed jean in his life. 

"when i saw her gun pointed at you, i wasnt even thinking. it was as if my body were acting on it's own accord, as if subconsciously, the only choice i had was to pull that trigger. 

that was when i knew that i only did have one choice. she might've just been another young soldier like us, with a family waiting for her to come home, only following orders from her superiors but...putting that aside, i could never have lived with myself if id hesitated in that moment and you had died." 

armin looked up and found jean fixated on him, a strange expression cast upon his face. it's hard to tell what he's thinking in such obscure lighting. 

"why are you telling me this?" jean breathed.

armin swallows. "because jean, even if i havent known you as long as ive known eren, or mikasa, i would still kill for you, die for you even."

"is that your round about way of telling me you care about me?" jean asked, lightly teasing. armin almost rolled his eyes, wanting to bury his face in his hands with embarrassment. 

he was trying to be sentimental and of course jean has to make a joke of it in the moment. he folds his arms, turning his nose up at the other. "you know what? forget it, i take it all back!" 

jean laughed, hearty and full, a much more inviting sound that his bitterness a moment ago. as he calms down, gathering himself jean clears his throat, voice growing serious again. 

"armin," jean prompted, tugging at his pant sleeve. "please look at me." 

the blonde relented, fringe sweeping over his blue eyes. 

jean continued, "i may be a huge dick sometimes but i care alot more than i let on. and i know i cant protect everyone on this squad but...if i could make one wish, it's that we could all just live together with none of these burdens, or responsibilities."

"freedom," armin hushed. "to be free together." 

jean nodded, "yeah, that."

looking up towards the open sky, stretched above the distant landscape where wall maria was an hour horse ride away, armin felt a glimmer of hope nestle within his chest. 

and perhaps it was the warmth emitting from jean beside him, or the feeling of meat in his stomach, but armin felt sure of himself in that moment. he felt grounded. 

tomorrow, terrible things were sure to happen. it was inevitable, but right now...right now he would stay by jean's side, admiring the view from the mess hall.

**Author's Note:**

> this wasnt necessarily a romantic one shot, i just really love their dynamic in theshow and how their personalities mix together. please feel free to comment your thoughts :)


End file.
